after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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