so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize