I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
