I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
