I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
