toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize