Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
