i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
