Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
