my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Quick, to the slutcave!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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