i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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