your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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