you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
