She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
