I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
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