Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
