If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
