your room smells of hookers.
And success
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
