ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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