so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
