It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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