She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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