Just fell off a train. Bad.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
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He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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