I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
