a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
