Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
