I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
