i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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