3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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