If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
