Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize