the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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