they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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