dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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