not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize