OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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