Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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