She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
