Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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