You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
