omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
