did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
