Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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