Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
