I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
