the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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