im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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