What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
