Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Please, let me fuck your mom
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
