saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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