Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
did i walk over a car last night?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
