even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
