Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
