Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I touched a dick in church today
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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