whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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