u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
she peed on how many people?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
