Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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