so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
