If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
