I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
