You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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