Apparently you make a good broom.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
