Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
