Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just threw up on my dentist
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
