I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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