I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
