Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
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Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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