I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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