So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
