um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
