The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
