That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
