i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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