I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
