Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize