Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
