I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
