So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is my gift to your gina
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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