I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We're not piercing ourselves today.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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