So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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