I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize