accomplished twins. life is a go
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
