Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
do herpes really smell.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
